romantic wedding romance humourAl's Wedding-related jokes and one-liners.

This marriage jokes list started as just a collection of amusing (to me, at least) odds and ends which would catch my eye from time to time. This collection was born when I decided to focus on marriage/relationship/battle-of-the-sexes items. (You should see the items I left out!) With some creativity, many of the items on these pages could be worked into a wedding reception speech. Using some of them in speeches will require more creativity (or courage) than others. Sensitive souls may find some of the material rather raw.


Marriage is adult business. Like sex, kids may enjoy it, too, but they have no idea of what they're really getting into.

If anything here frightens you, perhaps you are not ready for a long-term relationship: run away while you still can! (If you are so easily dissuaded, you are most assuredly not ready!)

If, like most, you choose not to heed that warning, then take this advice: a sense of humor may be your only hope of breaking even in the marriage game, and, I believe, breaking even is the best you should ever hope for. Please consider this material an opportunity to practice laughing.

Some Other Wedding Related Links & Resources
Additional Wedding Humor Reading

A word from our sponsor:

After you've looked over a few of these pages, and before you surf off, please take just one minute share your favorite bit of wedding wisdom. The "toasts" area has been very popular lately. Perhaps you have heard a good one that we don't have. Please pass it on!.

You may also e-mail me a note with your comments.

Thank you for your input. Rest assured I'll use it to help make the world a better place.


If you find something you like, here's a simple way you can say "thanks."

We're Flattered!
They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

So I guess I should be flattered. Many of these items have been around for quite awhile. But I can claim to have coined one or two myself -- and I collected them all one-at-a time, over a span of ten years or more, from a hundred different sources. That was more than half the fun.

I researched it fairly carefully at the time and can say with fair certainty that none of these items had appeard on the web before I put up this page.

I've noticed that there are others who apparently like my work, since in seems they've copied quite a bit of it verbatim. I'd like to give them credit for their efforts (even though they haven't seen fit to credit mine)

Amazing Sounds -- Southern CA

Upbeats Mobile Music DJs -- Ohio

Perhaps the most ironic joke on those pages is the copyright notice!

To his small credit, one of those "authors" appears to have rearranged things slightly, after I contacted him, so as to not be so obviously identical to the source.

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Wedding Humor Topics:

Al's wedding jokes and Oneliners ALsMUSIC is located in Ames, Iowa.
Owner, Al Weltha, supplies superior disc jockey entertainment for wedding receptions and other events state-wide. (web publication is just a lame hobby)
Philosophy of experience When you spend so much time with someone, you're bound to learn a few things.
Bachelor Jokes Like it or not, most bachelors are thought of as little more than grooms in training, so . . .
(this is where I've hidden lots of the sex jokes -- be warned!)
Wedding Toasts!

and More Toasts!

To give you a few more options for your wedding speech besides, "bottoms up!"
The Honeymoon Ask any newlywed, it's never quite as expected.
The Devil Rum If only so I don't have to mix them in with the others, these "drunk jokes" get their own category.
Inlaws and family Speaks for itself . . . Mother-in-law jokes are here.
Food Everybody has to eat! For better or worse, there's nothing like good ole home cookin!
Money If money grew on trees . . .
(would more people stay married longer?)
After all these years together . . . . . and the years, they do fly.
The thrill is gone Uh oh! Seven year itch and beyond--Ex-wife, ex-husband, divorce jokes and worse.
For your feminine side In overview, wedding jokes seem to be a male-dominated topic. These husband jokes and other male-bashing are a feeble attempt to provide equal time to the fairer sex.
The Kiss Popular romantic pastime classified and defined
I'm glad I'm a man woman
Battle of the Sexes: Scorecard For those who believe that it's not about winning or losing -- just that it's fun to play the game.