Proceed with caution: Sense of Humor required!
Al's Wedding-related jokes and one-liners.
Go back to Joke index
Proceed with caution: Sense of Humor required!Al's Wedding-related jokes and one-liners.
Go back to Joke index |
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A kiss is the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicular muscles in a state of contraction. -Cary Grant (smylie2222@aol.com)
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Definition of a kiss . . . . Upper persuasion for a lower invasion.-- CALJAHAWK@AOL.COM
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Peaches: When you say the word peaches, your lips come together for less
than a second. Imagine saying this when you kiss - it happens very
quickly.
Prunes: Described as such because the movement of the lips during this
kiss roughly approximates that caused by uttering the word prunes.
It's Longer than a peaches kiss.
Alfalfa: Hold your tongue with your fingers and try to say alfalfa - you
can't do it. Nor can you perform the alfalfa kiss without using the
tongue.
Glass: This kiss is most commonly used when you are separated by a pane
of glass. Oftentimes you are in a hurry and can't roll down the car
window, or the sliding door is shut and you don't want to let the
cold air in the house. If you are participating in a glass kiss and
the other person pulls away to see your pressed lips, blow air into
the window and make your checks swell.
Underwater : Remember wondering what it would be like to kiss underwater?
Then you convinced your neighbor to try it with you in the
pool, you found out it was no big deal: you can't feel their
lips very well, the chlorine hurts your eyes, and you swallow
water on your way to the surface. It may be more interesting if
you fill the pool with Jell-O.
Noisy: A kiss that makes noise is not unusual, it's just noisy - which
means at times can be considered rude.
Thrown: Not too common anymore. Seen mostly in parades and silent movies.
Can be traumatic if you don't warm up your arm.
Blown: Similar to the thrown kiss, but used at close range or when a
thrown kiss might be intercepted.
Hand: This kiss is another member of the thrown-kiss fairly. The only
difference is that after the kiss is placed in the hand, it is
personally delivered and applied to the other person's face. Although
more accurate than either the thrown or blown kiss, it can be hazardous
if delivered with a slap.
Dark: Kissing in the dark is a problem for those with bad sense of
direction - they end up kissing the ear. One way to alleviate this
problem is to locate your date's nose, grip it tightly to use as a
reference point, and kiss below the hand.
Grandma Bunny: These are the types kisses you get from older relatives.
"Bunny" refers to the soft white hair grandmothers have above
their lips, which they often moisten before kissing.
One time in college when I was with a girl, she said "kiss me!" to which I replied "Kiss you?, we shouldn't even be doing this!
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Kissing may not spread germs, but they certainly lower resistance. -Louise Erickson
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A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth -- and endures
all the rest. -Helen Rowland
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Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
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Some women blush when they are kissed, some call for the police, some swear, some bite. But the worst are those who laugh.
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It's impossible to kiss someone unexpectedly - only sooner than you thought.
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A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
-- Ingrid Bergman
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One kind kiss before we part,
Drop a tear and bid adieu;
Though we sever, my fond heart
Till we meet shall pant for you.
-- Robert Dodsley
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Give me a kiss, add to that kiss a score;
Then to that twenty, add a hundred more:
A thousand to that hundred: so kiss on,
To make that thousand up a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let's kiss afresh, as when we first begun.
-- Robert Herrick
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A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point.
That's the basic spelling that every woman ought to know. -- Mistinguette
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Be plain in dress, and sober in your diet;
In short, my deary, kiss me, and be quiet. -- Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
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ALsMUSIC is located in Ames, Iowa. Owner, Al Weltha, supplies
superior disc jockey entertainment for wedding receptions and
other events state-wide. More about list
editor, Al Weltha. |
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